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Thursday, December 30, 2010 @ 11:45 PM
Every time i see my friend's dad treat them like princesses, i feel envy of them. Everytime i go and stay over at my friend's place, they will always have a room by themselves. whereas me, i dont. im living in a hdb executive with 14 people living inside including me. for the past 12 years, i only see my dad once a year. Athough i only had 6 years of memories with him only, i dont quite remember much. The memories were bits by bits. I really miss him so much that till now, i still cry when i think of him. Every year on this date, people countdown happily for a new year, a new begining. instead, i dont know if i should be happy or sad. I may be happy go lucky girl. but there'll also be times where i'll feel sad, lonely, emo and depressed. So much of wanting to leave this family, i cant do much. My godpa pays for my school fees, he'll also be sponsoring me through university at brisbane. At that time i was a lil girl after my dad passed on, my godpa asked me to stay with my grans. which is also his home with his family and i did stayed at his home till now. When i was younger, i always think that godpa was a hero. He was someone who saved my family from hell. He was someone who held out his hands to us, who offered help to us. He was the one who gave us a shelter. He was the one who guide me and taught me how to be a young lady. But as i grow older, things changed. maybe because my perspective changed. Living at this home, was torturing at times.. Having his help is equivalent to having to work for teoheng. By saving my family, each quarrel, he'll bring up if it wasnt him, we would had been gone. &now after knowing some idiotic fucking issue, made me felt that his teachings and guidance to life were all bullshits. Now and then I realised that i no longer has that smile on my face with him around. i can no longer see him like how i did when i was a young girl. Im a young lady now, my thinking and doings are different when im younger. The more they dont like it, the more i'll do it. im like that. say me rebelious i dont care. Cause this is what makes me, Joanne Josw. The more you pull a kite, the more the string will break. A hero does not vent his anger on his people when he's angry for idontknow what reason... Labels: ` |
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